Supporting a Friend or Loved One After a Traumatic Hospital Stay: How You Can Help
I recently had a call from a lady whose partner has been stuck in hospital for the last few months following a traumatic operation. She'd noticed his general mood going down and him becoming more anxious - especially when she said she was leaving at the end of visiting time. She wanted advice about how she could support him and whether working with a counsellor might help him to find his motivation and love of life again. It got me thinking about my own experience with relatives and how many more people might be in this situation, which inspired me to write this article.
When someone we care about is going through a tough time, particularly following a hospital stay or after a traumatic procedure, it’s natural to want to help. Extended periods of time in hospital can take a heavy toll on mental health and often lead to feelings of anxiety, low mood, and a sense of helplessness. As a close friend or relative, your support can make a profound difference, and understanding a few key steps can make this journey easier for both you and your loved one.
1. Recognising the Signs of Mental Health Struggles
Recovery isn’t only about physical health. Hospital stays, especially lengthy ones, can deeply affect someone’s emotional wellbeing. Feelings of isolation, vulnerability, and fear often build up over time, affecting mood and motivation. If your loved one seems withdrawn, irritable, overly anxious, or if they’ve lost interest in things they once enjoyed, these could be signs that they’re struggling with more than just their physical recovery.
Sometimes, these changes are subtle, like increased anxiety when someone they rely on is about to leave. Understanding that these behaviours are a reaction to a difficult situation, rather than a change in personality, is key to approaching the situation with compassion and patience.
2. Creating a Safe and Supportive Environment
Your presence is one of the most valuable forms of support. While physical visits may be limited, finding ways to stay connected can remind your loved one that they aren’t alone. Here are some ideas:
Regular Check-ins: Make a routine of calling or visiting if you can. This predictability can create a sense of security.
Encouraging Communication: Invite your loved one to share their feelings. They may be struggling with fears about their recovery or the future, which might feel easier to open up about with someone they trust.
Reassuring Words: Simply hearing that their current feelings are valid and understandable can relieve some anxiety and make them feel less isolated.
3. Supporting Independence
When someone is stuck in a hospital bed, it’s easy to feel powerless. Even small steps toward regaining independence can help lift their spirits:
Setting Small, Achievable Goals: Talk with your loved one and the nursing team to set realistic, small goals. This could be as simple as sitting up for a few minutes longer each day or reading a book.
Celebrating Progress: Even the smallest victories, like completing a physio session or walking to the end of the hallway, deserve acknowledgment. Celebrate these milestones together to build up their confidence.
4. Suggesting Professional Support When Needed
Encouraging your loved one to consider speaking with a counsellor or therapist could be an important step. Professionals trained in hospital-based or post-traumatic counselling are skilled in helping patients process the feelings that come with traumatic medical experiences. Therapy can provide tools for coping with:
Feelings of anxiety and fear about leaving the hospital.
Emotional overwhelm related to physical limitations.
Regaining a sense of motivation and purpose.
If suggesting this feels difficult, try re-framing it as something supportive. For example, you might say, “I’ve heard talking to someone can really help with the tough thoughts and feelings that come after an experience like this.”
5. Focusing on the Future
A prolonged hospital stay can make someone feel disconnected from life outside those walls. Here’s where you can help them remember their goals and joys:
Discussing Future Plans: Bring up plans they were excited about before the operation. Even something as small as a walk by the river or a having a brew with friends can be a positive image to hold onto.
Reminding Them of Past Strengths: Talk about challenges they’ve overcome before. Reminding them of their resilience can help them believe in their ability to get through this as well.
6. Taking Care of Yourself, Too
Supporting someone going through a hard time can take a toll. Ensuring you’re looking after your own wellbeing is equally important. Taking breaks, talking to others about how you’re feeling, and even seeking support for yourself can make you more resilient. Remember, you can only help them if you’re in a good place, too.
Moving Forward Together
Helping a loved one rediscover their motivation and joy in life after a traumatic experience is a journey, but one that can lead to a stronger bond and shared hope. With patience, understanding, and practical support, you can be a pillar of strength in their recovery. And if they, or you, need additional support, don’t be afraid to reach out for help – both of you deserve it.
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