“I’ll Be Fine!” – Why Men Push Through When They're Not Well... and What It’s Costing Us

Ignoring the Signs: A Familiar Story for Many Men

A couple of weeks ago, I got ill.

It started with a heavy feeling in my sinuses and a wave of low energy. I told myself it was just a bug – maybe I was just tired from a busy weekend at a friend’s wedding and the long drive back. So, I carried on: working with clients; catching up on admin; writing articles; posting on social media; taking calls and trying (anf failing) to keep up my usual exercise routine!

Yet each day, I felt more drained and short of breath – even on flat dog walks. The idea of climbing a hill or exploring new waterfalls was out of the question. Still, I avoided contacting the doctor. I told myself I was fine – until my wife asked me directly, my mates challenged me, and I could no longer pretend I was okay.

Eventually, I made the call. The doctor diagnosed a viral infection that needed rest – not resilience. That’s when it hit me.

Even as a therapist, I’d slipped into a familiar pattern – the same one I often support men in breaking: pushing through physical or emotional pain, believing that stopping is somehow a sign of weakness or failure.

Why Do Men push through and Keep Going When They Should Stop?

This isn’t just about ignoring a cold or powering through a cough. It’s about how men are often conditioned to override their needs – emotionally and physically – in the name of “coping” or “getting on with it.”

1. We’re Conditioned to Be Tough

From a young age, boys are often taught to hide pain, push through injury, and keep their emotions in check. We’re praised for being dependable, silent, and stoic – not for admitting when we’re struggling.

2. We Link Worth to Productivity

Many men tie their sense of identity and value to how much they do – how well they perform, how busy they stay, how much they provide. Taking a break can feel like falling behind or letting others down.

3. We Fear Being a Burden

Admitting we’re unwell or asking for help can feel like we’re making life harder for others – whether it’s our partner, our team, or our clients.

4. There’s “No Good Time” to Pause

In high-pressure roles or self-employment, it can feel like stopping isn’t an option. We tell ourselves we’ll rest once things calm down – but that rarely happens, because we rarely let it.

The Hidden Costs of Pushing Through

It might seem noble to keep going, but there’s often a high price to pay – physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Longer Recovery Times

When we ignore early warning signs, a minor issue can become a serious one. Whether it’s burnout, prolonged illness, or escalating stress, the cost increases the longer we delay.

Poorer Performance

Even if we’re physically present, when we’re running on empty, we’re not bringing our best – to our work, our relationships, or ourselves.

Emotional Disconnection

Overriding our needs repeatedly creates distance – from our emotions, from the people who care about us, and from the things that give life meaning.

Reinforced Negative Habits

Every time we push through, we reinforce the idea that this is what strength looks like. It becomes harder to stop next time – for ourselves, and for those looking to us as a role model.

What Can Men Do Differently?

Breaking this pattern doesn’t mean dropping everything. It starts with small, intentional shifts in mindset and behaviour.

1. Redefine Strength

Real strength is about self-awareness – knowing when to rest, when to speak up, and when to shift gears.

2. Check in With Yourself

Ask yourself each morning:

• How’s my body feeling today?

• What do I actually need right now?

Don't wait until your body shouts!

3. Speak Up Sooner

Whether it’s to a mate, a partner, or a therapist – talking early can stop things from escalating.

4. Model the Change

If you’re in a leadership role – at home, at work, or in your community – demonstrate what healthy boundaries and self-care look like.

5. Schedule the Stop

Make space for rest before it’s forced upon you. That might look like blocking out breaks in your calendar, switching off from work on weekends, or having regular check-ins with someone who listens well.

A Personal Reflection

I wish I’d called the doctor sooner. Not just to feel better faster – but because I wasn’t showing up fully in my life. I wasn’t at my best for my clients, my family, or myself.

This wasn’t a failure – it was a wake-up call. Even as a therapist, I still fall into these old habits. We all do. But it reminded me that being honest about our needs isn’t a weakness – it’s a path back to connection, clarity, and true resilience.

A Question for You

• When was the last time you stopped to really listen to your body – or your mind?

• What would it look like to respond with kindness, not judgement?

Ready to Press Pause?

If you’ve been pushing through physically, mentally, or emotionally – and this resonates – I’d invite you to take one small step today.

📞 Book a free 30-minute call No pressure. No judgement. Just space to talk, reflect, and figure out what support could look like for you.

Book now

Let’s stop treating exhaustion as a badge of honour.There’s a better way – and it starts by giving yourself permission to pause.