The Importance of Brotherhood for Men’s Mental Health
Last night, as I drove back from a weekend spent on a Zero retreat with an amazing group of inspirational men, I realised just how impactful brotherhood has been in my life.
As a man, it’s not easy to be vulnerable, but in this safe space, held by experts, we supported each other to challenge our pre-conditioned patterns in order to become the best versions of ourselves. I also reflected on the other groups of men to which I belong - the Blue Mind Men Swimming Community who meet together every Sunday on the shores of Lake Windermere and the online Men’s Group set up by Mettle. These guys are my Brothers - a vital support network in my wellbeing journey.
So, while mental health is a hot topic, the crucial element of brotherhood is often overlooked. In a world where men are taught to handle things on their own, having a sense of community can be life-changing. It’s not just about having a group of friends; it’s about forming meaningful connections with men who understand you and share your values. These relationships can be a really powerful buffer against the challenges we face.
The Isolation Trap
Men, in particular, face unique societal pressures. Many feel they must be the strong, silent type, often putting on a brave face while internalising their struggles. Dr. Rory O’Connor, a leading psychologist in suicide prevention, explains that isolation is a major risk factor for mental health issues, including suicidal thoughts. In his book “When It Is Darkest”, O'Connor emphasises that suffering in silence can intensify feelings of loneliness and despair. But the good news is, science shows that connection, particularly among men, can help break the cycle of isolation
The Science Behind Brotherhood
Human beings are wired for connection, and men are no exception. Dr. Robin Dunbar, a psychologist renowned for his work on social circles, found that close friendships - especially between men - play a key role in mental health. His research reveals that men who engage in regular social activities, report lower stress levels and greater life satisfaction. It’s not just about having people around but having a core group who you can rely on. Dunbar’s studies highlight that men often bond through shared activities which create a space where men can open up in a more natural, less pressured way.
Building Brotherhood: Practical Steps
So how do you create these connections if you’re feeling isolated? The good news is that building brotherhood doesn’t need to be difficult - just taking intentional steps to engage with others who share your values.
Reconnect with Old Friends: Sometimes, life gets in the way, and friendships fade. Try taking the initiative to reach out. A simple text or phone call can reignite old bonds. If you find that your values no longer match - that’s fine. There will be others who do.
Get Involved in Shared Activities: Men often bond over shared interests, so think about joining a local club or taking up a new hobby. Whether it’s a sports club, a walking group, or even a men’s shed, these activities provide a structured way to meet new people. Over time, these shared experiences can turn into deeper connections.
Check in Regularly: Don’t wait for a crisis to reach out. Regular check-ins with friends or family can keep connections strong and show others you’re there for them too. These check-ins don’t have to be heavy - sometimes, just a quick chat or a shared joke can keep the connection strong, but the important thing is that they provide an opportunity for those deeper conversations when needed.
Create Rituals: Regular meet-ups - whether over a coffee, on dog a walk or for a workout - help build that brotherhood. It doesn't have to be anything fancy - just consistent.
Check Out Online Communities: If meeting in person feels overwhelming or isn’t accessible, there are also online options that provide virtual spaces where men can talk openly, share experiences, and find encouragement. These forums are particularly useful for those who want to talk from the comfort of their home.
Connect with Men Who Share Your Values: It’s not just about finding any group - it’s about finding the right group for you. Whether it’s through a mental health support group, a hobby, or volunteering, look for people who align with your core values. Having friends who understand and share your perspective makes it easier to build trust and be open about your feelings.
The Subtle Strength in Seeking Support
Brotherhood is about more than just friendship; it’s about finding people who have your back, understand your struggles, and celebrate your wins. If you’re looking for your tribe, know that they’re out there - you just have to take that first step
This blog is dedicated to the Brothers of Zero3 who give each other support and encouragement and with whom I shared a transformational experience last weekend.
It is also dedicated to the other Men’s Groups in which I find my tribe - thanks especially to Blue Mind Men and Mettle for providing these spaces for me to be myself.
Want to learn more? Here are some useful resources:
Dr. Rory O’Connor is a leading expert on suicide prevention and mental health. His book, published in 2021, “When It Is Darkest: Why People Die by Suicide and What We Can Do to Prevent It” offers real insights into the struggles many face and how connection plays a vital role in recovery. Dr Susie Bennett also writes about her extensive Male Suicide Research - the highlights of which she shares on Instagram.
Dr. Robin Dunbar is well-known for his work on friendships and social circles. His research shows just how important it is for men to have close-knit friendships. If you’re curious about the science of relationships, check out his 2021 book “Friends: Understanding the Power of Our Most Important Relationships”.
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