Working with Men: A Different Approach
- Stephen
- May 19
- 3 min read
Why We Need to Stop Pathologising Men's Mental Health
In my experience as a therapist, I’ve learned that men don’t need to be told they’re broken. They don’t need to be labelled or made to feel like their struggles define them. Instead, they need a space where they can reveal what they’ve been carrying - the weight they’ve been hiding, dealing with, or trying to make sense of.
Whether it’s guilt, shame, fear, doubt, uncertainty, or physical or emotional pain - all of these responses are normal reactions to abnormal circumstances. Men need to hear that their experiences are valid and real. That was my own ‘ah-ha moment’ - realising that what I was feeling wasn’t a diagnosis of anxiety or PTSD, but a natural response to what I’d been through.
Where I Start When Working with Men
Every man who comes to see me is unique, but since I started working with Connor Beaton on one of his Menswork programmes, my starting point has been the same:
What is this man struggling with that I can help him to learn, understand, or navigate?
What has he always needed to hear but never knew?
My role isn’t to provide answers - it’s to help him develop his own competency. Whether it’s regulating his nervous system, setting boundaries, expressing emotions, or handling conflict - my goal is to empower him. If I can collaborate with him to build these skills, I’m giving him the space to stand tall. That’s what matters most to me.
Building Trust and Respect
One of the most important parts of my work is building rapport. That means developing mutual respect and trust. I start by focusing on the present experience - meeting him where he is right now, rather than dwelling on the past. I address the current issue and its impact, reassuring him that I’m here to help.
Getting Out of the Head and Into the Body
Men often find it challenging to express their emotions verbally, so I focus on the somatic - what’s happening in the body right now. Rather than getting caught up in emotional language, I encourage men to connect with their direct experience. Giving that experience space can help them get out of their heads and into their bodies, shifting from over-thinking to simply being.
Balancing Directness with Empathy
I believe in being direct when needed - not shying away from calling out truths. Of course, this needs to be balanced with empathy and encouragement. Respect is at the core - helping him confront what he knows to be true but may find difficult to admit.
Tuning into the Inner Dialogue
Another key part of my work is helping men address their inner critic. Often, the way they speak to themselves is harsh and unkind. I help them explore this voice - understanding where it comes from and how it affects their lives. Giving them the space to share their story is a powerful first step toward changing that internal dialogue.
Creating the Space to Stand Tall
When we create the space for men to express themselves without judgment – when we offer men the tools to navigate their struggles instead of labelling them as broken – they begin to see their strength. They recognise that their responses are valid, even if they are painful. My role is to stand alongside men, not to fix them, but to support them in learning to stand tall for themselves.
If you’re ready to step into that space, I’m here to walk that journey with you.
Interested in learning more about how my approach to either Online or Walk and Talk Therapy can support you? Reach out today and take the first step towards standing tall.
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