And How to Release Them
Christmas, whilst often presented as "the most wonderful time of the year” can feel like a minefield of pressures that men face. A 2022 YouGov survey revealed that one in four people find their mental health worsens during Christmas, while the Mental Health Foundation found more than half of us worry about a loved one's mental health during this time. For men, societal expectations of being providers and protectors often magnify these challenges.
It’s not surprising that the season of joy can turn into a season of stress which can make this time of year especially challenging. If this resonates with you, don’t worry - you’re not alone.
Here are five common stressors men face at Christmas, with insights into why these pressures hit harder—and some practical tips to lighten the load.
1. The Work Christmas Party
The Pressure:
‘Should I go? What will people think if I don’t?’
According to research, nearly half of men feel the pressure to attend work festivities, whether they want to or not.
Christmas parties often come with unspoken expectations about networking, drinking, or ‘showing face’. For many, these expectations create an overwhelming sense of obligation.
How to Release It:
Take time to reflect: Do you genuinely want to attend, or are you just worried about keeping up appearances?
Set your boundaries: If you decide to go, you could commit to a specific time limit or given yourself a pre-prepared exit strategy. I still laugh about the time I tried crawling under a table to make a swift exit - it didn’t go unnoticed!
Say no to alcohol if you want: A simple ‘I’m taking a break’ is enough—you don’t have to justify yourself or owe anyone an explanation!
Write down your thoughts: Reflect on what you enjoy (or don’t) about these events. Could reframing the event and approaching it differently make it more enjoyable?
2. Financial Worries
The Pressure:
‘I have to give the perfect gifts and make it a magical experience for everyone.’
A staggering 41% of men report financial stress at Christmas. This is hardly surprising given the commercialisation of the season and societal pressures to provide the ‘perfect’ Christmas experience.
Men often feel societal pressure to be the financial backbone of their households, and this expectation peaks at Christmas. Between buying presents, family get-togethers, and festive trips out, many feel stretched beyond their means. The study by the Mental Health Foundation linked financial strain to increased anxiety, with Christmas amplifying this stress.
How to Release It:
Define priorities: Discuss with loved ones what’s essential versus optional and then plan and prioritise accordingly.
Set a budget: Create a plan where income exceeds outgoings, focusing on thoughtful gestures and focus on what matters. Experiences, like a trip out or doing something together such as sharing a family meal, can often mean more than expensive presents.
One year we even swapped this for an outdoors picnic - admittedly this was during Covid, but the idea still works and we’ve repeated it since - it’s also a great way of using up leftovers between Christmas and New Year!
Remember: Your value isn’t tied to the cost of a present!
3. Feeling Pressure at Work
The Pressure:
‘I can’t take my foot off the pedal, even in December.’
Around 30% of men feel work pressure intensify as the year ends, with deadlines looming and expectations piling up - even if they are self-imposed.
The focus on the end of the year often creates a sense of needing to ‘prove’ oneself, particularly for men when self-worth is associated with professional success. Whether it’s closing deals, hitting targets, or managing year-end reports, this relentless drive can overshadow the Christmas holiday. For those of us who are self-employed, concerns about income in the new year only add to the pressure.
How to Release It:
Identify what’s in your control: Start by writing it down to pinpoint specific pressures and decide where you can make changes.
If you can, delegate or say no. Remember that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Lean into the slower pace rather than fighting it:
If your place of work is naturally quieter during the holidays, use this as an opportunity to recharge.
Take the opportunities when they arise, so that when you have time off with your family you’re present with them and not thinking about work.
For me, remembering that everyone else is taking time off and that I don’t need to be thinking about work - that things can wait and the only person expecting me to work, is me, is an important realisation.
4. Worrying About Next Year
The Pressure:
‘What if things don’t improve? How do I make the most of the year ahead?’
A quarter of men report feeling anxious about the future as the year comes to a close.
Men often feel a cultural expectation to have a clear plan for the future, with pressure to set ambitious resolutions or to make up for lost time. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy or overwhelm - especially when reflecting on unmet goals from the last year.
How to Release It:
Practice positivity: Reflect on what went well this year, however small. When you focus on the things you are grateful for, your mindset and outlook shifts.
Reflecting on your own goals—whether through journaling or with a mentor—can help uncover what truly matters for the year ahead. Focus on what excites you, not just what worries you and link these goals to your values to give you emotional clarity and provide the motivation you need to carry them forwards.
Write it down: Studies show written goals are more likely to be achieved and then share them with others to help you sense-check them and stay accountable.
Stay present and grounded: Mindfulness practices like deep breathing or focusing on the ‘now’ can help to ease future-focused anxieties.
5. Spending Time with Family - and Coping with Loneliness
The Pressure:
‘I have to keep everyone happy, even if it stresses me out.’ or ‘Everyone else is spending time with the people they love’
For some, family time is a joy; for others, it’s a minefield. But also, for some they’re not with family. And that’s okay.
Family dynamics can be challenging, with men often feeling pressure to mediate conflicts or maintain harmony. Meanwhile, for those estranged from loved ones or living alone, Christmas can highlight feelings of loneliness. Societal norms around masculinity make it hard for men to express loneliness or to seek connection. This means that as men, we often hold back from expressing or addressing these feelings. But when we're willing to be vulnerable there are opportunities - vulnerability is strength.
How to Release It:
Challenge the narrative: There’s no “right” way to do Christmas - the image in the ‘movies’ is make-believe! If traditional gatherings don’t work for you, change them.
Set boundaries: Plan shorter visits if necessary or schedule personal time during busy days - especially if it involves getting outside. Perhaps you could meet up somewhere rather than going to stay with relatives.
Focus on what’s in your control: You can’t control others’ behaviour, but you can control how you respond! Does it matter if someone complains about the Bread Sauce (or lack of it) or sits in front of the television rather than helping with the washing up. Reframe it!
Explore alternatives: Host a small gathering with close friends instead. I remember a great year where we invited a friend round to join us for Christmas - along with his dog. Two labradors, food on the table… need I say more?
Foster connection: Reach out to friends or join community events. Volunteering can also offer a sense of purpose and belonging - one of my Children’s fondest memories of Christmas Day was helping cook and serve Christmas Dinner at a People’s Cafe.
Create new traditions: Plan activities that make you happy, even if it’s a solo hike or a movie or ‘box-set’ marathon.
Whether surrounded by family or celebrating solo, your version of Christmas is valid. It may sound cheesy, but choosing what feels right for you is the ultimate Christmas gift
Closing Thoughts
Men often feel a cultural expectation to have a clear plan for the future, with pressure to set ambitious resolutions. This can spark feelings of inadequacy or overwhelm, especially when reflecting on unmet goals from the past year. As a result, men often feel the weight of expectation during the holidays, but by approaching these pressures with self-compassion and intentionality, you can enjoy the season on your terms
Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect, and neither do you. Focus on what matters most, and let go of the rest!
How do you navigate Christmas? Let me know in the comments - I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Support Is Available
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, know you’re not alone. Organisations like Mind and the Samaritans offer year-round support. Text SHOUT to 85258 for free, 24/7 crisis assistance, or call the Samaritans at 116 123.
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