Why we need to stop brushing it under the carpet
Bullying ruins lives. It’s that simple. Nearly a quarter of UK employees report experiencing bullying at work. Despite this, workplace bullying often remains an uncomfortable topic, dismissed as “strong leadership”or swept under the rug. While anti-bullying campaigns are standard in schools, the same is often not extended to our workplaces. For men especially, cultural expectations of resilience, a ‘stiff upper lip’ and ‘man up’ mentalities often teach men to view vulnerability as weakness and foster a culture where they feel unable to speak up or seek help when faced with bullying. But it’s time we address this silent epidemic and the toll it takes not only on mental health, but also on the workplace environment.
Men are often conditioned to equate vulnerability with weakness. For many, fear keeps them silent - fear of repercussions, fear of being considered weak, and fear of losing out on promotions or even their livelihood. This fear, coupled with a tendency for men to suppress their emotions, can make them more likely to internalise the abuse rather than confront it and creates a perfect storm of isolation, trauma, and even addiction.
This feeling of isolation is common among male victims of workplace bullying. The toxic mix of guilt, shame, and fear of retaliation keeps many trapped in silence.
A Personal Reflection
I’ve left jobs because of bullying. Despite knowing I was doing good work and making a difference, the criticism and negativity, lack of support, and endless micromanagement wore me down.
In one case, I worked exhausting hours, convinced that if I could be perfect, my boss wouldn’t be able to fault. Of course, it wasn’t really about me. He bullied others too, and I wasn’t the only one who left. It wasn’t just a job I lost; it was my confidence, my self-worth, and for a while, my hope.
Years later, I hear similar stories from friends and from clients. Many are afraid to speak out about bullying, scared of the repercussions and attempt to prove their worth through over-work which can trap them in toxic environments. Studies have shown that men are less likely to report workplace bullying, even when it starts to impact their mental health.
The Links to Trauma and Addiction
Workplace bullying is a form of psychological abuse. Repeated criticism, exclusion, or humiliation can cause symptoms of trauma, such as hyper-vigilance, difficulty concentrating, and feelings of worthlessness. For men who’ve faced childhood bullying or abusive parenting, workplace bullying can reopen old wounds, compounding their mental health struggles.
In the UK, a survey by the Mental Health Foundation found that 43% of men regularly feel stressed, with workplace issues as a major cause. Without healthy coping mechanisms, stress often leads to destructive behaviours. I’ve worked with clients who turned to alcohol to escape the pain of being belittled at work. One client described it as the only way to “silence the voice of his manager” that haunted him even outside the workplace.
Johann Hari’s Lost Connections explains that addiction often stems from a lack of meaningful connection. Workplace bullying isolates its victims, making them feel like outcasts. This loneliness, combined with unresolved trauma, creates a cycle that’s hard to break.
The Link Between Workplace Bullying and Suicide
For men, the stakes are even higher. A lack of workplace support and persistent bullying can lead to a loss of purpose and connection - key risk factors for suicide. The connection between workplace bullying and suicide is a stark reminder of how serious this issue is. In the UK, men are three times more likely to die by suicide than women, with workplace stress being a significant contributing factor, according to the Samaritans whilst a study published in ‘Occupational & Environmental Medicine’ found that people exposed to workplace bullying are 1½ to 2 times more likely to contemplate suicide. Bullying isolates individuals, making them feel targeted and alone - key risk factors for suicidal ideation, according to Susanna Bennet's research on mental health and purpose.
A Call for Accountability
Research from the NHS Workforce Race Equality Standard and studies such as the TIDES project highlight how systemic bullying and harassment harm not just individuals but organisations. The psychological distress caused by bullying has been linked to increased staff turnover, absenteeism, and poor performance. Yet, many workplaces lack robust mechanisms for addressing it, perpetuating a culture of silence.
What About the Bullies?
It’s easy to label bullies as simply cruel or power-hungry, but often their behaviour stems from deeper issues. Many bullies have their own history of being bullied, whether at school, at home, or even in previous workplaces. UK studies suggest that bullies often exhibit these behaviours due to their own unmet emotional needs or lack of leadership skills. For example, the NHS has implemented training in emotional intelligence to help managers address conflicts constructively.
While this doesn’t excuse their actions, it does underline the need for organisations to address the root causes of such behaviours and invest in leadership training that fosters emotional intelligence, conflict resolution, and healthier management styles. Providing access to coaching or therapeutic support for bullies can help address the root causes of their behaviour and prevent these cycles from continuing.
Breaking the Silence
Bullying isolates. It makes you feel as though you’re the only one being targeted. But you’re not alone. If you’re experiencing bullying in your workplace, speaking up can be a lifeline. Whether it’s confiding in a trusted colleague, seeking support from an external organisation, or reaching out to a therapist, you just need to take that first step.
Addressing workplace bullying requires courage—from individuals and organisations alike. For men, the first step is acknowledging that seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness but strength. Whether through peer support groups, counselling, or legal avenues, standing up to bullying has the potential to change not only your live, but the lives of your colleagues.
Workplaces must step up too. Creating environments where bullying is called out and support is readily available benefits everyone. The focus needs to shift from reactive measures to proactive prevention. Anti-bullying policies in themselves aren’t enough. Fostering an open, supportive culture is an essential step in creating safer environments for everyone. At the end of the day, no one should feel powerless in the place they spend most of their waking hours.
Final Thoughts
I know firsthand how bullying can strip you of your confidence and sense of self-worth. But I also know that healing is possible.
Bullying doesn’t define you, and neither does the silence it tries to enforce. Speaking out, seeking help, and reclaiming your sense of self are acts of courage that can break the cycle for good.
Wow! Thank you for sharing. This is really important to discuss.